he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
