I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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