so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ttyl tear gas
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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