I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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