It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
