the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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