Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You can't just leave with hair like that
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
