I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
