Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
