Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
