wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
