Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
