After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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