I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
