i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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