i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
