I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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