woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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