I smell stomach acid.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
