I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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