it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
