Having a random hookup so left but love u
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
