There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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