So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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