don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
