yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
