I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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