At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
