She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
