Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
