You're completely useless in the revolution.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Say something about gay babies.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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