I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i out mim tonsoeep
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