just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
