can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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