Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
