i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
