is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Randomize
