Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
