I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
