This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
