he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
