its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
