Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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