I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
