...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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