We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Still dying that you shit outside
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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