I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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