a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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