I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Did I show you my penis last night?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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