mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
